Each of us has a story… that part of us that we had to overcome to move forward. In this series of guest blogs, I want to highlight those stories; allowing each writer space to share how they accepted their authentic differences, began to love themselves, and are now able to express their true uniqueness.
I am… strong
My name is Shanovia Lumpkin, and I am a published author.
Wow! That sounded great flowing off of my tongue! But this was not something that happened overnight. There were many struggles and storms before this victory.
I grew up in a single-parent home where I was raised by religion and trained through discipline. Yet, I was a lost little girl with a broad imagination, big heart, and trusting spirit; all while trying to figure out who I was and who I was meant to be.
Just imagine… no father, constant negative connotations, molestation, attempted abduction, teen mother, domestic abuse, single parent, health failing, and toxic relationships. If life hadn’t humbled me enough losing my anchor (my grandmother), it had broken me.
“I live in my head because it’s safe there.”
When it came to verbal communications, I was crippled, and am still a work-in-progress; often asking a million questions for clarification in fear of doing something wrong. I struggled with uncertainty and insecurities because I wanted to be enough. I wanted to be perfect, and if I couldn’t, I would lash out in anger or simply shut down when I couldn’t get my point across or find the right words to make others understand. Therefore, I would keep everything bottled inside to either protect myself or others. That the relentless urge to help others--even when I couldn’t help myself--was my only gratification because I didn’t see the value in me. So, I frequently searched for it in others.
PHOTO CREDIT: Metaphorheaven
Let me elaborate a little more. Growing up, I was taught that “little girls are to be seen and not heard,” among other sayings that were frequently stored in my memory bank. However, I took things so literally (“Say what you mean and mean what you say”-Emma Pearl), that it was always a challenge for me to know when I should follow suit or go against the grain. There were so many stipulations to the guidelines given that I chose instead to live in my head and express myself through the pen.
The only thing that was consistent and got me through it all was writing. Every word was a step leading me out of that dark hole I had gotten comfortable in. I would write myself notes (memos to myself), prayers, quotes, and daily affirmations to encourage positive thinking, growth, and change. I had to heal myself and be the reflection I wanted to see in others. I had to learn to love me first, put me first, and believe in me. I found my purpose when I began to share those intimate notes I had written with others, and the positive influence it had on their lives inspired me to publish and reach as many as I could.
“She Writes to Inspire Change One Word at a Time.” -Shanovia Nicole
My advice to you is to never give up, never give in, and never stop trying. These trials come to make us strong. So, stand firm, weather the storms, and claim your victory. You earned it, you deserve it, and it will be yours.
Shanovia
Photo Credit: Nigel Huggins @ phierceplus
I am… beautiful
Hi there! My name is LaToya Moses and I am a 28 + 2 year old plus-sized woman and model with an imaginative mind, a kind-hearted spirit, and a fun sense of humour.
Yup! That’s what I meant to say when describing myself… let’s just say this embracing of all my attributes ‘thing’ stemmed from the whole concept of “What would you tell your younger self?” and the three things I’ll always reinforce is this:
1. Love yourself completely
2. Find and live in your truth, no matter what it is. Unless it’s something evil, then NO!
3. Always… always mind your business, except when you’re lending assistance to someone in need!
I have discovered the importance in loving all of me flaws and all, period!
“Even in her failures, she possessed the strength needed to succeed; for she believed that one only needed to have courage, despite fear, and to be kind even in the moments of cruelty shown by others.”
My story…
I grew up in a nice family with loving, complicated parents, but there was something out of place for me: MY SIZE! Considered a chubby/fat girl, teased and hassled all the time with insults that were demeaning and cruel, I felt unloved. The best and worst thing about me is that I hide and avoid things well, so I kept that pain and hurt for a long time.
I was very insecure; I always settled with what I could get and not what I desired because I felt undesirable, and unworthy of a lot of opportunities afforded to me. I’ll make excuses and be demotivated and uninterested in self-building. I was crippled by fear and lacked confidence, which was evident in my negative mindset and persona. The only thing important to me at the time was school; I loved academics, but craved social networking and that’s why school was important to me. From secondary school into college doing my first degree, I relied heavily on what people thought about me and the need for them to like me. I had a beautiful personality, but for some reason people couldn’t see beyond my size, so I did almost anything, within reason and morality of course (lol), to be accepted. Eventually my mindset matured when I started working at my current job and I started transitioning into new roles and positions.
What cemented my need to look outside of people’s acceptance was when I thought I met the love of my life… men! He turned out to be a curse and a blessing. Through this situation-ship I was at my lowest; I got more anxiety attacks and my self-esteem dropped to a new low. However, somewhere between all that mess I was able to see that the reason he treated me so poorly, outside of being a total jerk, was that I had shown him that it was okay by the way I treated myself. In that moment I learnt to fight for myself and I haven’t stopped fighting since.
There is a quote that says “anything that costs you your peace, is too expensive.” I’ve allowed a lot of people and situations to rob me of my peace and I decided NO MORE! I choose, and will always choose, me. So I ventured into new things, things I’d never thought to do because of my insecurities surrounding my size. Encouraged by a friend of mine to get into plus-size modelling. I enrolled myself into a plus-sized model runway that launched my part-time career. When I look at the pictures on the website or social media, I am amazed because I did that; I found the confidence to do it.
I am so proud of the woman I’ve become and I look forward to meeting the woman I am destined to be. With God, family, and friends by my side, I cannot fail.
So, in essence, I am a beautiful plus-sized woman and model, with a Bachelors degree in Science… while currently working on my Masters degree in Science. Yes! Put some respect on my name. I know society uses the term plus-sized or BBW to describe big or fat women; however, from my perspective, it simply means I have a lot more to give to the world. I have more body, love, heart, smiles, caring and laughter to share. I am focused on doing my part to make this world a better place by becoming the change I want to see. I hope that this insight into my life encourages other plus-sized women, and women in general, to love yourself and be authentically YOU.
Be beaYOUtiful!
LaToya